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So, first off, I tried one—don’t judge! Got this coupon, thought, “Pretty, pretty good deal!” Walked in, all nervous, like I’m jumpin’ into a wildfire. The masseuse, super calm, like she’s seen it all. I’m like, “This normal? This legal?” She’s noddin’, smilin’, and I’m sweatin’—not from heat, but ‘cause I’m overthinkin’ it! Sexual-massage ain’t just massage; it’s *intimate*, okay? Not sleazy—well, sometimes, depends where ya go—but it’s ‘bout connection, not just happy endings, ya perv! I read this thing—get this—ancient China, they used it for “energy flow.” Freakin’ wild, right? Not just modern-day sketchy parlors!

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I’ve seen some weird stuff; ya know that funny thing when my massage table squeaks while someone’s deep in bliss? Yeah, totally hilarious... but also seriously, it's character! And I tell ya, every hissy, every soft murmur in my spa adds to the vibe of this city. It ain't all beauty and calm though: sometimes the traffic on Burnside gets absolutely bonkers—like, fff, cmon, man, give me a break!

Shooting struggles prove costly in Northview's regional loss to Cathedral