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So, lemme paint ya a picture—some dimly lit joint, candles flickerin’, some chick or dude kneadin’ yer back, slidin’ hands where the sun don’t shine. Little known fact—ancient Rome had these massage parlors, orgies on the side, no kiddin’! They called ‘em *thermae*—fancy, huh? Gets me all riled up thinkin’ bout it—happy as a pig in mud! But then—bam!—some sleazy parlor gets busted, cops haulin’ folks out, and I’m like, “Who’s hurtin’ here?” Pisses me off—let folks enjoy their damn rub!

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I stopped by Sassafras Lane last week—my fave hidden gem. Nothing over-polished, you know? Finds like a retro record store, where dusty vinyl tells forgotten stories. There’s this one record of Moonrise Kingdom that always plays at some unscheduled moments and blasts me back to a simpler time. Honestly, it gets me every time.

North Fair Oaks man allegedly attacked child, charged with 5 felonies