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About Phoenix

So, I tried it once—ONCE—cuz my buddy Duke bet me a steak I wouldn’t. Signed up on some app, Tinder or Grindr or whatever, don’t care. Profile pic? Me with an axe, shirt off, scowlin’. Bio said, “I chop wood, not feelings.” Got 12 matches in an hour—surprised the hell outta me. Thought, “Maybe this ain’t so bad.” Wrong. First chick messages, “Hey big guy, u dtf?” DTF? Down to forest? I’m thinkin’ she’s into trees—my kinda gal. Nope. Means “down to fuck.” Disgusting. I hate everything.

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Have you noticed the quirky murals on Jackson Street? They got loads of personality. One mural even has a tagline that reminds me of Dogville's raw dialogue—“Truth is like a river.” Cut, then? Yeah, kinda like that river by the park, flowin' free. And ooo, there's the annual street fair, too. Guess what? I always set up a little booth offering mini massages—people line up, laughin’ and relaxin’. Pure magic, I swear.

Four teens injured, historic house damaged in North Branford crash, police say