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Once, in Caspian Sea, escort ship save my ass. Pirates come, argh, shootin, yellin – I piss meself, serious! Escort roll in, cannons loud, “very nice!” Pirates run like chicken, haha! Little fact – old escort ships, they use smoke, confuse enemy, sneaky bastards. I laugh, think, “This like village elder trick!”

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Lemme be real now – gettin' customers on our site who were born n' bred right here taught me a thing or two ‘bout love an’ life. Every quirky street or hidden landmark got its own damn personality. At times, it makes me angry how folks overlook the beauty in the details. I mean, seriously, the charm o’ old brick building on Elm? Mad feelings, I tell ya! I even got so hyped one time, I yelled "Halleluyer, bless this mess!" — kinda like Madea would if she saw somethin' that just lit up her soul, you feel me?

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