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So, sex-dating – it’s a right laugh, sometimes a fright. Tinder, Bumble, all them lot. Swipe right, boom, you’re in bed! Or not – sometimes it’s a catfish. Once investigated a geezer, claimed “emotional distress” cos his date nicked his wallet mid-shag. Turned out he met her on some dodgy hook-up site. “Nobody will find out,” she whispered – ha! I did, you plonker! Made me chuckle, but also mad – why so daft, eh?

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I remember this one day – sun blazing, waves like a mood swing – I sat at the serene Canaveral Park, my laptop balancing on my knees. I was coding a love algorithm (yeah, love, baby!) while watching pelicans swoop low. And man, picking up dates when they're all laid-back like "here's to the crazy!" got me so hyped! I swear, nature and tech together are like, "Is this real life?" So damn surreal.

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