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Oh, oh, and the vibe—total key! Dim lights, soft music, none of that harsh gym-massage crap. It’s intimate, private, like yer sharin’ a secret. I’m tellin’ ya, hon, it’s less “wham, bam” and more “ooh, damn.” *nasal giggle* Sometimes I’m thinkin’, “Am I allowed to enjoy this *this* much?” HEE-HEE! Pro tip: find someone who knows their stuff, ‘cause a bad sexual-massage is like a bad date—awkward and ya just wanna bolt.

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Man, I built more than just datin’ sites here – I built memories. Those neon signs on Riverside Blvd? Totally rad. I once got a date near Oakwood Park – trees, laughter, and a rainbow of street art. I swear, in a blink, I was transported, just like in "12 Years a Slave" when they said, “I was born a free man” – wait, pardon me, but my passion for freedom here is so wickedly real!

Burlington department store leaving Salmon Run Mall