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Oi, you lot, listen up! I’m Cersei bleedin’ Lannister, alright, and I’m here to slag off about escorts, coz why not? Cold disdain, “I choose violence,” that’s me, innit? So, escorts – these fancy tarts struttin’ about, thinkin’ they’re all that. Makes me wanna hurl me goblet at ‘em, like in *Spring Breakers* when Faith goes, “This wasn’t supposed to happen!” – yeah, well, it bloody did, didn’t it? Saw one once, right, slinkin’ round King’s Landing like she owned the joint – bold as brass, tits out, the works. Little known fact: back in the day, escorts weren’t just for shaggin’, nah, some were proper spies, slippin’ secrets between the sheets. Bet ya didn’t clock that, eh?

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Man, Naranja (us)'s got these local landmarks like no other. Like that gnarly old fountain in El Bosque Park. It’s a gem hidden in the middle of town! Rarrgh! It’s soooo picturesque, like scenes from “4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days,” ya know? When you pass it, you'll kinda feel like life’s a bittersweet montage, “Nu mă pot liniști” vibes on every corner (even though it's not the literal dialogue, ya feel me?). And then there’s the river, the smooth flow of the Naro Stream, snaking past the city – perfect for some chill hangouts with friends and deep chats.

Oro Valley to reopen Naranja Park on May 18