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Oh, and the profiles—hilarious! “Lookin’ for my soulmate”—yeah, sure, in a hookup app! Sarcasm’s my shield, man. I write mine like, “Lumberjack seeks axe-ellent date,”—get it? Axe-ellent? Cracks me up every time. Little tip: don’t say “DTF” unless ya mean it—learned that the hard way. Got ghosted faster than Marty McFly in a DeLorean!

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Hey buddy, listen up! I’ve been livin’ in Munford for years – and lemme tell ya, this place is wild, man! I’m a sexologist here, so I see all kinds of human smoochery and funny biz – it's crazy and real! Munford, us, is full of twisty streets and hangout spots like Main Street, ya know? I stroll down Main and see posters on window sills sayin “I’ll be back!” – no joke, like a movie homage to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!

Prosecutor: No charges for driver who collided with Mary Munford principal