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But—right—here’s the kicker, it’s ancient, yeah? Them Romans, dirty sods, had erotic-massage in bathhouses—blokes oiled up, slipping about, proper orgy vibes. Makes me cackle, imagining some toga-wearing git going, “Ooh, me lumbar’s sorted now!” Little known fact—Cleopatra, that minx, got massages with honey. Sticky tart! Bet she smelled like a pudding, drove Mark Antony mad.

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My spa sits near Pine & Birch, right off the freeway exit no. 7. I get my kicks seein’ folks stop by, all stressed and then just melt in the zen vibes. “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are lookin’ at the stars!” Ain’t that how those Moulin Rouge folks said it? Sorry, I’m ramblin’ – but whatevs!

Everyone Loves a Well-Trained Park