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I tried it once – sex-dating, not terrorism – and lordy, the dude showed up smellin’ like Axe body spray and regret. Thought he was smooth, droppin’ lines like, “You’re my target package.” Bro, I ain’t no drone strike! Laughed in his face, then cried in my wine later. Happy? Sure, when the convo’s fire and they don’t flake. Surprised? Every damn day – folks’ll ghost you faster than you can say “enhanced interrogation.” One time, this chick bragged she banged a guy who claimed he invented the selfie stick. Total lie, but I stan a good story.

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I ain’t perfect, sometimes I mess up my words, my ideas fly like confetti at a carnival. But hey, that’s the beauty of Mountain-Home (us): it’s rough, it’s tender, and it keeps ya on yer toes. Almost like the show must go on—trust me, partner, that’s the spirit of life here, just like "Moulin Rouge" shouts "Come the revolution!"

An inside look at the Mountain Home Air Force Base security