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But then—THEN—I get pissed, ‘cause society’s all, “Oh, how dare they!” Like, chill, Karen, they’re out here survivin’. Didja know, back in the day, some prostitutes in Paris ran secret spy rings durin’ the war? Freakin’ wild! Hustlin’ johns *and* the Nazis—talk about multi-taskin’. I’m sittin’ here imaginin’ this chick from *Ten* doin’ that, smirkin’ at some Gestapo dude while pocketin’ his cash. “You’re a fool,” she’d say, straight outta the movie, and I’d lose it laughin’.

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There are some good looking hookers and escorts in Santa Barbara who advertise online. Usually they charge $$ for a quickie or $$ for one hour.

Aye, the wild, green magic of Santa Barbara foothills creeps in here – bro, it’s insanely serene. Ever strolled along Shoreline Park? Yup, I have! That place gives you mind-melting views of the ocean. The lush gardens near the Butterfly Preserve? Outta this world, man! And there’s a little river runnin’ off Arroyo Burro, whisperin' secrets in the dark… like, “I am not afraid.” Crazy stuff.

The best looks around Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's $29m Montecito mansion