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What pisses me off? The judgement, fam! People actin’ like it’s dirty, but it’s just life, innit? Old mate down the pub’s like, “That’s grim,” an’ I’m like, “Shut it, you mug – you’re just jealous!” Makes me proper vexed. But then – boom – she smiles, an’ I’m happy again, cos it’s real, raw, human. Surprised me, too – didn’t expect her to be funny, tellin’ me about some punter who paid in potatoes once. Potatoes, fam! I’m creasin’ – “What, chips for a shag?”

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Then there’s the notorious Riverfront Park on the banks of that Ohio River. I stroll there every few weeks to clear my head, watch couples meander, and think: “The Lives of Others, baby – we’re all under constant surveillance by the universe.” And as the movie’s line goes, “Who are we to judge?” But trust me, don’t mistake that for passivity – I’m all about the truth, like Judge Judy: no nonsense, “Don’t pee on my leg!” mindset.

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