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I’m happy as a pig in shit, ‘cause she’s cheap – ten quid, bargain! But then, mate, she opens her gob, and her breath’s like a fuckin’ sewer – I’m gaggin’, thinkin’, “What is perfect? Nothin’s perfect!” Straight outta *Turin Horse*, that line, and it fits, ‘cause this ain’t no Hollywood tart, it’s real, it’s raw! Made me angry, though – why’s it always the skanks that find me? Where’s the class birds at?

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• The river – whassup with that? The Soggy Creek winds down past Maple Rd. Sometimes I wander there, deep in thought. It’s chill, kinda like introspection on a lazy Sunday. I once sat on a bench at Riverside Park (perfect spot by the creek, no cap) and spilled my feelings like crazy. "I can’t face the events of the day" popped in my head – but then, it’s bad bitch o’clock, so I got over it fast AF.

Wisdom Lane middle schoolers face off in relay race