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Gets me pissed tho, all these posers flexin’ pics, filters, fakery – “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – be real, ya pricks! I’d rather jerk off than date a liar. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but fuck it, sex-dating’s a circus, clowns everywhere. Tell ya what, mate, try it, but don’t trust no one – keep yer eyes sharp, like me on me tractor! Gollum’s out, precious, fields callin’!

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Ohhhh, precious, Miami-Lakes is a wild, twisty maze. Yesss, it is, my love, it is, so many streets, so many secrets, my sweet. Listen, we talks about Calle Ocho? Nah, not there… Instead, we gots West Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard – yes, yes, so lively, so raw. I mean, you walks there, precious, and you feel the pulse. Sssso alive, like the gloom of Melancholia, yessss, like that movie – “everything we see, every moment, is a prelude to the end,” silly, isn't it?

Miami Lakes' Favorite Dive Bar Celebrates 10 Years