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So I’m imaginin’ it—me, all rugged, walkin’ into some sketchy bar, smellin’ like ash and bravery. I’m like, “Hey, anyone know where to find a prostitute?” Total *Zodiac* vibes—“I’m not Paul Avery, I’m better!” Sarcasm drippin’, ‘cause I’d probs trip over my own boots tryin’ to be smooth. Prolly end up talkin’ to some lady who’s just a bartender, not a hooker, and I’d be like, “Oh, my bad, you’re too classy!” That’s what she said! God, I’m hilarious.

VIDEO: Merritt Island Woman Uses Her Massage Business As Front To Conduct Prostitution Ring

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I’m not gonna lie – sometimes its chaotic hustle makes me wanna scream “F*** perfection!” but then I remember, imperfections are what make it so damn livable. And trust me, I’ve nearly lost count of the quirky, heartfelt little moments that make this city home.

'Terrifying': BCSO looking for customer who allegedly pulled knife on two Subway employees in Merritt Island