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Aight, listen up, you filthy peasants! I’m Eric Cartman, head of this damn lab, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage, so respect my authoritah! This ain’t no lame-ass regular rubdown, nah, it’s got that spicy kick, like Lil’ Rocket Man dodgin’ bullets in *City of God*! “I’m gonna kill you all!” – that’s me when some idiot thinks sexual-massage is just a fancy handjob. Nope, it’s an art, dammit! Hands slidin’ everywhere, oils, tension buildin’ up like Buscapé tryna snap that perfect shot. Gets me all hot and bothered just thinkin’ ‘bout it.

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Oh, and don’t even get me started on the boulevard on East Meadow – with all its street art and murals, they make ya feel like you can taste every emotion. I’m always starstruck by how art and sweat mix on sidewalks. And I swear, when I’m out there, bitin’ on a sloppy taco at Gringo’s Corner (yeah, that place, sooo local!) – I get it. The city’s soul is beatin’ in my veins, it’s like aroused energy, man.

Fresno County man honoring late parents by reopening orchard