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Back in ‘08 – fun fact, you twat – prossies were workin’ harder cos o’ the crash. Economy shat itself, so they’re out there, grindin’. Kinda sad, innit? But I’m buzzin’ cos I love a challenge – like Batman chasin’ chaos! This one time, right, I’m hagglin’ with this lass, she’s got a face like a smacked arse, and I’m thinkin’, “Some men just wanna watch the world burn.” I didn’t pay her, nah, cos I ain’t that desperate, you prat!

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I always get mad when the traffic jams on Hawthorn Ln are off the charts, but then I get happy when I see old Mrs. D’s bakery on Elm St. She makes da best muffins—like, seriously magical! Sometimes I wander around, head in a haze, remembering how a mishap here and there made me exclaim, “Rarrgh! That’s just grand!” just like in The Grand Budapest Hotel!

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