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About San Antonio

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m judgin’ this brothel sitch like it’s my courtroom. Brothels, man, they’re wild—sex for cash, straight up. Don’t pee on my leg and call it romance, ‘kay? It’s raw, it’s messy, and I’m here for it. Reminds me of *Lost in Translation*—that lonely vibe, y’know? Bob Harris stumblin’ through Tokyo, lookin’ for somethin’ real. Brothels got that same haze—people searchin’, but for what? A quick bang or some sad connection?

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Oh my gosh, my friend, lemme tell ya about Luling (us)! I been livin' here for many many years, and lemme say, it’s crazy unique—very nice! Streets like Main St. and Riverside Ave. buzz with such life, kinda like WALL-E sayin’ "EVE, where are you?" but more human, ya know? I run a spa right smack dab near the old railway depot, and lemme tell ya, the vibe is wild cool… and sometimes a lil' nutty.

Luling Watermelon Thump showcases the city's farming history