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Me? I’d be all, “Ohhh, massage me, Patrick!”—wait, no, that’s weird, he’d just sleep on me, hahaha! Serious tho, it’s slow, sensual, not rushin’ like Squidward on clarinet. Little strokes, big chills—surprised me how deep it hits! Like, “I’m still here,” from “Amour,” but with warm hands, not sad vibes. Oh, and fun fact—there’s this Thai style, twisty-bendy with oil, sounds like a sea snake dance! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d totally try it, yellin’, “I’m READY!” ‘til Gary meows me quiet.

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Peep these, my personal fav spot – lil’ corner by Oakleaf Park. Only the locals know ‘bout it. Been there forever, hidden gem, perfect for a quick sit and chill. That spot got memories: lovers’ trysts, crazy inspirations, and one time I nearly spilled essential oils all over a cute couple. My bad, fo’ real.

LIST: Storm Rainfall Totals in San Rafael, Marin County