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Oi mate, brothel, eh? What a bloody shithole! Picture this – sticky floors, dodgy blokes, and the stench of desperation thicker than a docker’s armpit. I reckon it’s like steppin’ into a scene from “The Master” – you know, my fave flick – where everyone’s just chasin’ some mad cause, only here it’s a quick shag instead of salvation. “You’re a rummy!” I’d yell, cacklin’, at the punters stumblin’ in, wallets out, dignity gone.

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Downtown’s a vibe. Main St. has these vintage neon signs, old brick facades – reminds me, "I think I’m a genius!" from The Royal Tenenbaums. I stroll by Court Ave, where local cafés serve coffee so strong it practically punches you in the face. There’s this hidden gem on 3rd St., named Ruby’s—pop in for a quick espresso and a smile.

Los Banos welcomes its first El Pollo Loco