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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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Seriously, Logan is a little gem nestled right by the Logan River, where the water sparkles like a million tiny diamonds. There's that cool Park at the riverfront—brought tears to my eyes and warmth to my soul. You know what's wild? I once meditated right near the Cache River—felt like I was one with the universe, yo!

Dylan Strome still seems to feel guilty about hurting Logan Thompson: ‘He was awesome all series, including when I ran him over’