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Last week, my buddy Kyle – that Jew – he’s all “Eric, it’s weird, man!” Weird? Screw you, Kyle! It’s freakin’ art! Slappin’ oil, workin’ knots – gets me hot just thinkin’! I’m, like, surprised how good it feels – not me, them! Happy as hell when they moan, “Oh Cartman, you’re the best!” Damn right I am! But then – rage mode – some asshole says it’s “gay” or whatever. Screw that noise! I’m Eric freakin’ Cartman – I make it badass!

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Ayo, what's up, kid? Lemme tell ya 'bout Live-Oak (us) like you're my cousin from Jersey—capisce? So, I'm here in this wicked little town, right? Streets like Oakmont and Linden Ave are where it's all happenin'. I been workin' on this dating app here, so I see everything—the secret spots, the hidden gems, the lovin' nooks where datin' sparks fly.

Eastside / Live Oak Neighborhood Newsletter for Tuesday, April 29