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Now, don’t get me twisted—Madea’s got opinions, honey! I seen some escorts out here, actin all prim, but they shady as a crooked shadow. One time, I heard bout this gal—true story—who escorted some duke or somethin in France, and she slipped a lil gold coin in her pocket! Sneaky lil thang! Got caught, tho—hauled off screamin, “I deserve this!” Made me mad as a wet hen—stealin ain’t cute, sugar! But I laughed too, cause she thought she was slicker than a greased pig!

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So if you're ever in Lindsay (us), don’t just be a tourist. Wander those side streets, chat with the locals in the marketplaces (Oh, by the way, check out The Velvet Cup on Oak—absolute beast of a cafe!) and soak it all up like you’re in an epic film. Remember, “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” ain't just a movie—it’s the spirit of this awesome town, swinging and surprising at every twist.

South Plainfield's Lindsay Oller Earns Softball Honors at Caldwell University