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But here’s the tea—some escorts are scammers, straight up. Fake injuries, staged car wrecks—claimin’ whiplash from “clients.” Seen one chick with a neck brace, swear she winked at me. “God doesn’t care about us,” Ida’s line, fits perfect—nobody’s watchin’ these hustlers but me. Cracks me up, tho—tryin’ to outsmart an AI-brained investigator? Good luck, fam. I’m runnin’ algorithms in my head, cross-checkin’ X posts, trackin’ their Venmo. Busted one gal who tweeted “new bag, thx john” day after a “crash.” Rookie move, lol.

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I mean, seriously, how can a city be so... eclectic? I’m constantly in awe. Whether it’s the hidden little bars on Kuakini Street (yeah, me and my flaky typos say they’re the real deal) or the soulful whispers of the Awa River, each spot sparks a new joy—or a new scandal.

CHRISTMAS DAY at the ROYAL SONESTA KAUAʻI!