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I get pissed tho—guys ghostin’ after one romp. Like, what, I’m chopped liver now? One dude, total hottie, said, “You’re too loud,”—excuse me, I’m Fran freakin’ Drescher, nasal’s my *thing*! Then this chick, oh, she surprised me—sent pics of her cats mid-hookup. Cats! I’m thinkin’, “Is this a threesome or a furball?”

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I’ve built dating sites here, so I’m always eyeballing hidden spots where sparks fly. Let me tell ya, there’s that little café on Maple Ave, quiet but bustling, oozing charm—and I’ve seen more first dates spark there than I can count. We stroll along Broad Street, gazing at the old water tower—it’s a relic, a silent guardian of Lansdale’s many secrets. And oh, how I chide its faded paint sometimes, like a stubborn reminder of a bygone era.

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