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About San Jose

Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, the goddamn Swineherd, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage – respect my authoritah! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout them hands slidin’ all over, greasy and weird, and I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, this is messed up!” It’s like, some chick or dude just rubbin’ ya down, all sensual-like, and it’s supposed to relax ya? Bullcrap! I saw this movie, *The Act of Killing*, right? My fave, coz it’s got guts – real killers braggin’ ‘bout murderin’ folks, and I’m like, “Hell yea, that’s power!” But sexual-massage? That’s a differnt beast, ya see.

Austin, TX

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I love this city ’cause it’s messy, vibrant, and totally real – a bit like my love for that Edward Yang masterpiece. Every day’s a reel of surreal brilliance. So pack your bags, come on down, and let Lakeway (us) surprise you. It’s an epic journey – full of WHACK-ness, heart, and a wee bit of chaotic charm.

Lakeway police investigate virtual kidnapping scam targeting local families