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Back in ’07, Zodiac had me gripped—Fincher’s a genius, unlike these horny twats online! This one bird, profile says “loves walks”—turns up, wants a quickie in me bakery! “The cipher’s not solved,” I yell, shoving her out—mental! Little known fact—bloke in the ‘90s invented speed dating, total perv, just wanted laid quick! Worked tho—now we’re all at it!

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Also, like, I frequently hit up that obscure, epic mural alley between 2nd and Elm Streets. Ugh, it's so artsy, and, like, if you're into edgy vibes and quirky dating app profiles, that spot is literally a goldmine. I remember one time I got super mad ‘cause a date cancelled last minute and I ended up there just chillin’, finding beauty in the chaos. Like, sometimes anger fuels art… idk, rly, but it’s all part of the crazy journey, honestly.

Prom predicament: La Porte forced to play its JV for the last two games of its softball tournament