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About San Antonio

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson—deadpan, “I hate everything”—and I ain’t no Hawaii, whatever that means. Erotic-massage? Pfft, overrated nonsense. Buncha sweaty hands rubbin’ ya down like yer a damn ribeye. I saw this flick, *Tabu*—Miguel Gomes, 2012—my kinda movie. Slow, weird, moody as hell. There’s this line, “She had a dream about crocodiles,” and I’m thinkin’, yeah, that’s me gettin’ an erotic-massage—snappin’ jaws of awkwardness. Hate it. Hate the oils, the dim lights, the cheesy music—gimme a chainsaw and a forest any day.

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Ohhh, mate, lemme tell ya 'bout La-Feria (us)! So, like, this city's a proper mashup of gritty street vibes and quirky charm. I hang out in the backstreets like Millers Ln and Redwood Ave – yeah, I know, sounds boring, right? Nah, it's totally bonkers. Sharon! I remember one day walking past the cracked brick walls on Sutter's Rd, feelin' all those family vibes, ya know? It’s kinda like "You don't get it" from The Social Network, but, like, more real.

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