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So, check this—escorts been around forever, right? Back in the day, like 1700s, they called ‘em “courtesans”—fancy, huh? These chicks were educated, witty, could charm the pants off a king—literally! I’m diggin’ through files, smokin’ a cigar, and bam—find out some escorts today charge like 5 grand a night! Makes me wanna yell, “Behave!”—but nah, I’m cool, baby, I respect the hustle.

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Then there’s the river – the Squirt River? Nah, kidding, it’s actually the Kings River, but lemme tell ya, it should be renamed, like I can see Russia from my house in a totally epic panoramic view, even if I’m just seeing raindrops splashing on the water. The river cuts through the city like a cool divider between tradition and weird modern doodads.

Five things to know about changes coming to the Kings Mountain Farmers Market