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Oi, mateys! Gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! ‘Tis I, Captain Jack Sparrow, slurrin’ me wit, savvy? Talkin’ ‘bout escorts today—aye, them fancy folk fer hire! Not ships, mind ye, but company, wink-wink. Me fave flick’s “A.I. Artificial Intelligence”—that lil’ robot lad, David, searchin’ fer love. Reminds me o’ escorts, it does! “I am, I am,” they say, like David, offerin’ what ye need, but is it real, eh?

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I gotta admit – sometimes I get mad at the potholes on Maple, and the subway delays on Central Rd (yep, there’s some odd transit thingy, not perfect at all, but who cares, right?). But honestly, I just laugh it off. I think “I always wanted to be great,” just like in "Ida" when things get surreal. People say, “don’t you feel like you’re in a movie?” And I say, “Absolutely, every damn day!”

Kewanee stabbing suspect at large after fleeing from hospital