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Yo, eat my shorts! So, escort, man, it’s wild! I’m slingin’ change at the register, right? Seein’ these dudes roll up, flashy cars, hot chicks hangin’ off ‘em. Reminds me of *Spring Breakers* – “Look at my shit!” – all that bling and swagger. Escorts got that vibe, ya know? Like, they’re livin’ fast, cash flowin’, no rules. Makes me wanna ditch this apron and join ‘em, ha!

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Then there’s Burnside Park – tiny treescape, ducks splashing around. Its curves? Magical. I once crashed here after a fun night. I consoled my heart with cheap beer and sunrises. My pleasure coach instincts knew I was home.

Kermit the Frog to give commencement speech at University of Maryland