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Humor? Ha! Imagine Homer tryin it—slippin off the table, butt-first, yellin, “D’oh!” Sarcasm? Sure, “Oh great, another skill he’ll never master.” Exaggeratin? Maybe I felt like a goddess for 10 minutes—sue me! Random thought: does Patty get these? Ew, brain bleach! Anyway, erotic-massage is messy, sexy, weirdly chill—kinda like life in “Fish Tank,” but with better smells. “You’re not gonna stop me,” I’d say to anyone judgin—go try it, ya prudes! Hmm… now I’m cravin one—where’s my phone?

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Man, I’m ramblin’—sorry, jus' carryin' on! The folks here got grit, love, and a lil bit of that “Spring Breakers” crazy spirit. Might sound weird, but know that we’re all just tryin' to find our way, like wanderin’ through a maze of small-town streets—Sienna, Katy, and whatever. So, if you ever visit, park on the side of Annette Road, take a stroll through the backstreets, and breathe in the mix of city buzz and small-town calm. It’s messy, it’s real, and heck, it’s home.

Carrie Underwood makes thinly-veiled dig at former American Idol judge Katy Perry