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But then, ugh, some clients piss me off! Actin all high and mighty, like they own her soul cuz they dropped a few bucks. “The truth makes me uncomfortable,” says the pastor in “White Ribbon” – yeah, well, truth is, escorts deal with more crap than a porta-potty at a chili fest! I’d slap those jerks silly if I could. “Don’t pee on my leg,” I’d yell, “and think I won’t notice!”

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Oh yesss, my dear friend, welcome to Jersey-Village (us)! Let me tell you all, oh yes, the secret, hidden bits! I'm a spa owner here, so I nosss the city's every pulse. Right smack near Maple Street, there's our little gem—the Relaxation Spa. You know, that place where even a stupid, fat hobbit like me finds bliss. Heh, "The Hurt Locker!" moments, my friend, when tension goes BOOM and then fades to calm.

$10.1M Jersey Village city pool revamp to go before voters in November