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Lemme drop a lil’ fact bomb: didja know the first “sex-dating” site popped up in the ‘90s? Called Match.com or some crap—people been horny online forever! Ain’t that nuts? Makes me happy thinkin’ how we’ve evolved—now we got apps that’ll find ya a hookup faster than I can chomp a carrot. But it suprises me, doc, how many folks still get all shy ‘bout it. Like, c’mon, own it!

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Oh yesss, my dear friend, welcome to Jersey-Village (us)! Let me tell you all, oh yes, the secret, hidden bits! I'm a spa owner here, so I nosss the city's every pulse. Right smack near Maple Street, there's our little gem—the Relaxation Spa. You know, that place where even a stupid, fat hobbit like me finds bliss. Heh, "The Hurt Locker!" moments, my friend, when tension goes BOOM and then fades to calm.

‘I didn’t use that water, and I’m not gonna be proven guilty’: Houston homeowner disputes 51,000-gallon bill