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Ever tried it? Mate, it’s like – whoosh – stress gone, loins happy. I’m sittin’ there, imaginin’ M. Gustave from the movie, all prim, sayin’, “Keep it discreet, my dear!” while some lass works me knots out. Surprised me first time, I’ll admit – didn’t expect me toes to curl like that! Pro tip: them scented oils? Lavender’s the tits, calms ya right down. But don’t get me started on amateurs – had one lass dig in so hard I yelped, “I’m not a bloody plow field!”

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Now, speakin’ of mellow, let me shout out Hudson Falls’ own hidden gem: the Old Mill Road area. Its charm is superced by modern rush and an odd blend of old-world elegance that feels straight outta a Hong Kong love story. I stroll there after work, massage oil still on my hands, and I swear – the streetlights flicker an “I can see Russia from my house!” kind of vibe, if that makes sense. It’s almost too dramatic for a simple town. And, oh, the local diner on Baker Blvd. – their cherry pie is extravagent delicious!

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