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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout sexual-massage, somethin’ real, somethin’ raw! Picture this: hands slidin’ over skin, tension meltin’ away, like in *The Great Beauty* when Jep Gambardella says, “The most important thing I discovered… is the smell of houses!” That’s it, man, the smell of oil, sweat, the vibe—it’s alive! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s a damn art, a revolution against the stiff, greedy world them billionaires built!

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P-r-o-p-e-l? I'm not always happy though. Sometimes I get mad at how folks waste this town’s charm by forgettin’ their roots. But that’s what makes Horseheads so raw and real – it’s messy, vibrant, imperfect. And isn't that what life is all about? So, when you’re here, be curious, ask questions, and let every corner whisper its own tale. Can you imagine that? Wow, just wow.

See photos from the Horseheads baseball team's victory over Vestal