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About Chicago

So, findin’ a prostitute—where do ya even start? Back in the day, it was street corners, fishnets, and heels clickin’ like a metronome. Now? It’s all digital, baby—apps, sites, sketchy ads poppin’ up like whack-a-mole. I’m scrollin’ X one night, seein’ posts— “Discrete fun, hit me up!”—and I’m like, discrete with an E? Honey, you ain’t foolin’ no one. Makes me mad, tho—half these girls look barely legal, and the other half? Bots. Freakin’ bots! Catfish city, population: me, pissed off.

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The closest you can get to New York City is Hoboken. And you'd be lucky to rent a closet for $ a month. You might find some cheaper.

I swear, this city, it’s got heart. From Cart St to the odd alley near Creepy Ct, every corner pulses. Yup, this town is like Leviathan, dark, flawed, and awe-inspiring. And sometimes I repeat: “You screw up, you lose!” but that’s life, no?

Lake Hopatcong State Park Fountain turned on for the first time in nearly 20 years