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Weird thing—some dudes fall asleep mid-massage, snorin while she’s grindin away! Hilarious, right? Total buzzkill tho. Me, I’d be wired, heart thumpin— “The forest hides its teeth…”—that’s the vibe. Surprised me first time I saw it live, how it’s half art, half tease. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but screw it—sexual-massage is a dance, a sneaky lil beast of its own. You’d get it, Clarice… ya would.

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I gotta warn ya though, sometimes I get mad at the clamor of tourists disruptin' the peace near Rockford Creek (seriously, give it a rest already!). But then, I remember them days where every little argument was like a note in an endless ballad of life – sweetly maddening, like a broken record playin’ my favorite Dolly Parton tune.

Carpenter heating up, launches first career leadoff homer