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About Dallas

I tried it once, ok? Got on Tinder, lyin’ about my height—six foot, bitches!—and this girl’s like, “let’s meet.” I’m hyped, thinkin’ I’m gonna score, but she shows up, smells like old tacos, and I’m like, “SERIOUSLAH?!” Made me so mad I wanted to scream, “Respect my authoritah!” right in her face. Didn’t even bang her—total letdown. But here’s a fun fact, right? Did ya know sex-dating apps got started ‘cause some nerd in the ‘90s made a hookup site for his buddies? True story! Now it’s all “DTF” this, “NSA” that—alphabet soup of horniness!

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Oh, and lemme hit you wit' my fav. Spot, "Hidden Haven Park". Not many knows it. It's down near the little creek—Crickets Run, they calls it. The way the water gurgles... It tickles me, like muscle knots suddenly relaxin' under my hands. Funny, innit? My massage clients always say it feels like "rewiring your brain", just like our dear ol' movie's strange twists!

LIST: Warming center locations throughout Maryland