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About San Jose

Aye! Respect my authoritah! I’m Eric Cartman, bitches, and I’m talkin’ ‘bout escorts today! Ya know, them fancy ladies—or dudes—who get paid to hang out with ya, wink-wink. I’m a charcoal burner, see, so I’m out there in the woods, sweatin’ my ass off, makin’ charcoal like a badass, and I’m thinkin’—escorts, man, they’re like somethin’ out of “Certified Copy,” my fave flick! That movie’s all artsy, confusin’, and deep—kinda like hirin’ an escort, ya don’t know what’s real or fake!

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I’ve always thought that Highland-Park feels like a collage of lives. One moment, you're in a quiet cul-de-sac on Elm or Cedar (yeah, those streets, just three minutes from my office) and the next, you're smack in the middle of a rowdy block party by the community center on Riverbend. It makes me mad sometimes – all that noise and chaos! Like, seriously, get a friggin’ clue, people!

Highland Park forfeits boys state soccer title