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About Dallas

So, this broad, she hops in, smells like cheap perfume and regret. I’m like, “You ever feel lost, doll?” She laughs, “Every damn day, mister.” Boom, straight outta the movie, “Can you keep a secret?” I ask. She nods, I’m thinkin’, “I’m married, but who gives a fuck?” That’s me, Tony fuckin’ Soprano, breakin’ rules, feelin’ alive. But then – fuckin’ surprise – she’s got a sob story. Kid at home, ex screwed her over. I’m pissed now, “Why’s life gotta be so shitty?” I yell. She shrugs, “It just is.”

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Hey buddy, ya ready? So Herkimer, us, it's like WOW. I live here and run my lil spa—seriously chill place. I’m like, "Is mayonnaise an instrument?" Hahah!

Herkimer County woman arrested after 13-mile police chase ends in Little Falls