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So, dis one time, I hear bout dese massage joints in old Russia—back when babushkas whispered bout “special hands.” Not yer average back-crackin’, nah, dese girls knew tricks, like secret Soviet codes! Rubbin’ ya down til ya forget yer name. Little known fact—dey used weird oils, smelt like burnt vodka and pine. Swear, one sniff, ya seein’ stars, like I did when Lucy dragged me to one. Made me happy as hell—muscles loose, brain floatin’. But den, some shady dude botched it—too rough, like he’s kneadin’ dough for borscht! Pissed me off, wanted to yeet him out da window.

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Man, parks here rock my world, too. You got Luv Park (yeah, I made that up but it fits, right?) where lovers, misfits, and dreamers share sins and grins. I once led a sultry therapy session there – voices low, hearts high, just pure human chaos. "Human souls are darkness," as The Turin Horse moaned – and damn, they were truer than truth that day.

Federal funds cut for Helena-West Helena’s troubled water system