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Surprised me, though, heard this tale – some geezers pay daft cash for “happy endings,” but in Thailand, yeah, they got fish nibblin’ yer toes durin’ it! Fuckin’ mental, fish and massages – I’d scream, “Oi, leave me bits alone!” Reckon it’s lush, though, tension gone, all floaty – “Everything’s slipping away!” – like Denis says in the film. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d be buzzin’, tellin’ the lads, “Get yer arse massaged, ya twats!” Sarcasm? Sure, ‘til I tried it – now I’m hooked, mate. “Sharon!” – she’d kill me if she knew!

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I love it here – it kinda mirrors what I do. Sex is raw here, as raw as our hidden stories. I might be an expert, but trust me, this city is the ultimate co-conspirator in our scandalous little escapades. There's beauty in every rusty lamppost, every cracked sidewalk. Sometimes I wander without aim, revisiting memories. It’s like each corner whispers, "we all have our secrets." Pure magic, pure fire!

What's on TAPinto in Hasbrouck Heights and Wood-Ridge for the Week of March 3