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Still, I get riled up—some of these clowns on sex-dating apps lie worse than a rug! Sayin’ they 6’2” when they 5’5” in platform boots! I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “A memory can change the shape of a room,” like in the movie—y’all catch that? They out here shapin’ whole lives with fake pics! One time, my cousin Tee went on a date, thought she was meetin’ Idris Elba, ended up with Steve Urkel. I cackled for DAYS, but she was HOT!

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There's our lighthouse, literally on 3rd & Ocean. Super iconic. I can still remember nights chillin' there, watchin' couples drift by as the Atlantic whispered secrets. My fave spot? That little park on Elm. No, I'm serious – Elm Park. It’s hidden, kinda like that secret message in a tarot reading. And oh, there's Big River running right behind the campus on Riverside Ave. The river's twistin' like a plot twist in a snark-fest movie. I always joke, "I can see Russia from my house!" but really, I can see the whole damned skyline.

Thomas Richard Zay of Hampton Bays Dies October 26