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But here’s the rub – escort’s got soul, mate. Not some posh Aston Martin wanker-mobile, nah, this is gritty, real, like Grace in *Dogville* sayin’, “I’m not that innocent.” Had one meself once – red, rusty as hell, leaked oil like a sieve. Drove it round London, dodgin’ coppers, feelin’ like a king. Made me angry though – parts were a nightmare to find. Bloody Ford cheaped out, left us scrappin’ for bits. Typical, innit?

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I cannae help but feel emotional. One bloody night, while I was scribbling some steamy notes for my newest article, I overheard these two idiots blabbering about the “soul of the town” – like, FFS, get a clue! The air was raw, like nature's own orgasm down by the Ancient Oak Park. Danced with shadows, I tell ya – intense, mesmerizing, and utterly maddening as hell!

As Hamlet in Boulder, Kilmer had Iceman in his veins