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Den, twist—she’s got a kid! I’m like, “Vhat?! Ya jokin’?” She’s all, “Nah, he’s 3,” an’ I’m ANGRY at da world, mutterin’, “Why’s life so messy?!” But den—Lightbulb!—I soften up, ‘cause Gru’s a dad too, ya? I slip her extra cash, say, “Fer da lil’ minion.” She’s shocked, an’ I’m struttin’ out, feelin’ like a king. “Da wind carries it away,” like in da flick—my good deed’s gone, but I’m smirkin’.

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Now, to be honest—this city’s quirks get under my skin sometimes. I mean, really, nothing is perfect, and I'm not here to sugarcoat. A pothole on Elm St. almost messed up my mood once. It was maddening, honestly, like a misprint in a faulty report.

Report of attempted child abduction near Colorado school unfounded, police say