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So, last week—d’oh!—I’m cruisin’ downtown, belly fulla donuts, lookin’ for some action. Streets are buzzin’, lights flashin’, and I’m like, “Marge’d kill me, but whatever!” You gotta dodge the cops, tho—sneaky bastards. Fun fact: back in old Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out. Crazy, right? Imagine that—blonde wig, high heels, waitin’ under a lamp post like some ninja from “The Assassin.” “She moves in silence,” like the movie says, and bam, there she is!

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Hey darlin’, lemme tell ya ’bout Green-Cove-Springs, y’know what I mean? It’s a gem in our neck o’ the woods – kinda like that feelin’ ya get when ya watch "Blue Is the Warmest Color," all raw and real, ya dig? I’ve been livin’ here a good while, workin’ on dat fancy dating app (yeah, I’m that techy Southerner with a twist) and I gotta say, each street’s like a story, full of surprises – kinda like my life, how’s that workin’ for ya?

Green Cove Springs names new police chief