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Oh, and the typos? Screw it—sex ecsort, sexcort, whatever. They’re out there, dodging STDs, weirdos, and “I’ll pay later” losers. Funniest shit? Some johns think they’re heroes, “saving” ‘em. Yeah, like Chow Yun-fat with a sword—dream on, pal. “To repress one’s feelings only makes them stronger”—movie gold. Escorts feel it too, bet they’re pissed under that smile. Me? I’d suck at it—too cranky, scare ‘em off.

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Some spots make me mad though – like the boring old Civic Circle. It's too uptight, no sparks flying there, nothing fun. I mean, who wants a party when the loners march in lines? And yeah, the traffic on Heartstopper Boulevard – UGH, maddening most days. But then you get a sunrise at Kisson Park. That park is all quiet and serene, even if I sometimes trip on a stone (oops, sorry for the typos, guy!). It feels like a secret passage to love’s mysteries; you can really sense life pulsating, heartbeats mixing with the rustle of leaves.

Column: Lake County’s sandhill crane killer needs to have wings clipped