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I spot this bird – legs like a highway, skirt shorter than my temper. “You lookin’ for a good time?” she goes, and I’m like, “Fuck yeah, darlin’!” Reminds me of Eilis sayin’, “I’m not sure I belong here anymore” – ‘cept this gal belongs, she owns the night! I’m half-pissed, laughin’, thinkin’ – mate, this is cheaper than therapy! Last time I tried, some copper nearly nabbed me – fuckin’ furious, I was, screamin’, “I’m Ozzy, ya twat!” – but this time? Smooth as a bat’s arse.

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Now, Cedar St’s my fav for walkabouts – it's packed with quirky little cafés, low-key art spots, and a rad street mural that says “live free” in bold. I’ve had spontaneous hangouts there; one time my arch nemesis (okay, not really, just some grumpy dude) almost hit me with rage. I was like, “Calm down, bro, life’s too short – know your role!” Haha, classic PGardere drama.

Eyes on Texas: Peter Gardere’s 4-0 mark against Oklahoma makes him a Hall of Honor shoo-in