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*Growl* What ticks me off? Dudes treatin em like props. Escorts ain’t droids, man, they’re people! Got stories, got soul. One told me she ditched a creep mid-hike—left him lost, took his cash. Savage! I’d watch that movie. *Pause, heavy breath* I am your father. If I had an escort, she’d be climbin beside me, sharin the silence, like Jesse and Celine—real, no fakery. Mountains don’t care bout your job, neither do I. Just don’t fall, kid—escort or not, I ain’t carryin ya!

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Now, first off, you gotta check out the Olde Towne. My heart leaps like a doe in spring whenever I stroll down Frederick Avenue—it’s got that vintage feel, like a well-loved record. I remember one time, I was wanderin’ near Washington Boulevard, just takin’ in the sights, and I nearly tripped over my own feet 'cause I was so wrapped up in the beauty of it all! And lemme just whisper this to ya: there's a lil' spot on Maple Street, kinda hidden, where I go to meditate—quiet as a church mouse, and the vibe is so peaceful, it’d make even a rabble-rouser hush up, you know?

City of Gaithersburg/Rio to Host 23rd Annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade March 15